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inhaling thrills through 20 dollar bills.

i found pink hearts in mommy's little pocket book

Suzy > you.
6 August
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When I was a little girl I used to host what I called "talk shows." With 50lbs strapped to my skin I could fit just perfectly on top of the old vanity that sat unused in the back room. It appealed to me I don't know why.. maybe because I was so fascinated with having something to talk to. I could talk and in return have the comfort of someone staring back at me. I could be my very own best friend, mother, and father. And I always thought I was a different kind of girl, I could tell by the way the other kids looked at me at school and it made no matter to me. I knew that someday I would make my mark in the world and I would be beautiful and smart and people would know who I was wherever I went... and then I grew up and the world wore on me and those childlike fantasies were taken away from me. With each person that hurt or abandoned me, with each dramatic experience I underwent I started building a wall. As my own personal force field for myself I would add a new brick to the wall. Each brick had a color, a name, or a description, and by age 13 the wall seemed to reach the moon and behind it was my ability to express true and honest emotion. I knew I had to get away, I needed to tear that wall down before it took me down instead. But, it's still there and so is my mental defect to emotionally shut down.

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Oldschool LJ.

Maybe she'll snap her wrists doing cartwheels, or her ankle dancing drunken at some rave. Maybe she'll go through a windshield and have twinkling bits of glass stuck in her face.

circle takes the square is love

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